The Answer Man

Laurence was amazing at sharing information. Clients called him for advice about money, business, retirement, relationships, raising children, caring for elderly parents, spiritual counseling and of course, he was always ready to share sports updates. He was a history buff and understood so much about world events. He always took time to listen and share what he knew.

I constantly asked his advice. Should I offer this workshop? Did you really like my newsletter? Does this jacket look OK? Should we buy this now or wait until later? What do you think I should do about ...?

I realized one day how much I missed talking with him, asking his advice, hearing his take on the news, sharing dreams about our future. I often ask myself, "What would Laurence say?" If I sit quietly in the stillness of the moment, I can hear his response to my question and his frequently asked question to me.

Who loves you baby?

Listening and Compassion

It's overwhelming to me how many people in customer service have no ability to hear what customers are saying to them on the phone.

I told the person I was calling that my husband was deceased and I needed to have a copy of the payments he made last year for tax purposes. The agent told me he was not authorized to talk with me and would need my husband to call him and give me authorization. HELLO..........are you listening?

Well I would like my husband to call me too, but it is probably not going to happen.

Listening and compassion: too much to ask??

Anti-grief Formula

A month after Laurence passed, I went to a department store at the mall and headed to the cosmetics counter. I purchased a bag of moisturizers, serums and lotions all promising anti-wrinkle, anti-aging, anti-sagging.

I didn't know how to say it but I was really looking for an anti-grief formula. A product that would erase my grey, sagging, sad-looking complexion. Something that would bring back the sparkle that I had when I looked at Laurence. Something that would make me smile the way he smiled at me. Something that would make me excited and hopeful again.

Problem is, it's an inside job. (sigh...)

Spam

There is a virus that on occasion shows up on Laurence's email address and sends out a spam message to everyone on his contact list. The only way to stop it is to close the account which I will do after all his bills are paid and accounts closed.

The first email I received I was a little shocked and dismayed. I realized how much I miss not hearing from him.

Now I notice I receive an email and feel like Laurence is sending a mystical message...just to say I'm thinking of you.

P.S. If you would prefer not to receive emails from him, please block his name.
Thanks.

Sundays

Laurence and I loved Sundays. It was our day to sleep in. Laurence would prepare a wonderful breakfast for us. We would listen to jazz and read the Sunday paper. Sometimes we would go for a drive or for a walk in the afternoon, of course, only when it wasn't football season.

Thinking of him on his birthday, missing him on Valentine's Day and remembering our special Sundays together.

It's been a weepy day today.

My Beloved's Birthday

Occasionally on this amazing journey of life, we have the opportunity to meet someone who makes a difference in our experience of the world around us. Someone who listens with compassion, who gives without limits, whose beautiful smile brightens a dreary day and whose contagious laugh chases even the darkest clouds away. We meet someone who reminds us that faith is essential, that God is Love, Love is unconditional and the world is a wonderful place to live.

I am truly blessed because my beloved husband Laurence was this light in my life. His presence continues to bless me each and every day.

The Beach

Today is four months since Laurence passed. It was a very hard day. I was driving home from an appointment wishing it was four years instead of four months. I realized that wouldn't make it any easier. I can't imagine four years without him.

I was very blessed to spend last weekend with my friend Sue at her beach house in Cannon Beach. I was able to leave some of Laurence's ashes in front of beautiful Haystack Rock. The sun was shining and it was an awesome Oregon beach day.

Laurence would have loved it.