Newness

I am grateful this year is over. My first year without Laurence. The second Christmas without him. I've learned a lot about myself this year. I am grateful for the love and support of family and friends.

I miss Laurence but I am so grateful he is not in pain and that he is free from physical limitations. I know he is loving all of us from the other side.

Tomorrow is a new year but more important tomorrow is a new day. I know God provides all that I need for tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. I am grateful for the love that surrounds me and blesses me. I am grateful for my family and friends and my spiritual community. I am so grateful God is so gracious.

Football

I found myself at home on a Sunday after completing our pilgrimage in Spain. Sunday was usually our training day in preparation to walk the Camino.

I suddenly realized it was Sunday and it was football season. A wave of grief washed over me thinking about our Sundays at home. Laurence and I always ate leisurely breakfast together and read the Sunday paper. It was a joy to listen to him watch football and cheer for his team. Wherever I was in the house, I could hear the game.

In his honor I turned on the game. Just the sound of football Sunday brought some peace.

Pilgrimage

I leave tomorrow on a pilgrimage to Spain to walk the last 70 miles of the Way of St James. I am grateful to be there on the anniversary of Laurence's passing.

Laurence and I spent our honeymoon in Spain and planned to return there on our 10 year anniversary. I know he will be with me on this sacred journey.

Birthday Blues

Missing Laurence  today. He was always so gracious, thoughtful and loving about my birthday. I was grateful I was busy today. So grateful for the calls, emails and cards.
Still...it was a lonely without him.

Rings

I stopped wearing my wedding ring and engagement ring last week. I was thinking about it for a long time. I believed that if I didn't wear them then it would mean I didn't love Laurence any more. I realized that wasn't true.


The love we share is eternal. Today that's the only thing I know for sure.

Loss

So many memories were stirred up today. Ten years ago feels like yesterday. We were married on September 1, 2001 and were looking forward to spending our honeymoon in Spain. The tragedy of 9/11 was heartbreaking.

We were able to go to Spain. It was fascinating to watch the news from another country about all that was happening in the United States. There was a feeling of unity in the midst of tragedy and loss. People we met were so compassionate. We met a couple from London on the train and they told us the loss did not belong to the United States but to the world.

The events were so shockingly similar to my parents experience. They were married in November 29, 1941. They were on their way back from their honeymoon on December 7 when they heard Pearl Harbor was attacked. My Dad was drafted into the army and spent four years overseas fighting for our country.

Today was a swirling of sadness, grief and loss.

Newness

I had insights and blessings as I faced our anniversary alone. On Saturday, I attended an ordination ceremony in the same beautiful backyard that our wedding was held in, ten years ago. I was surrounded with loving friends and sweet memories.

On Sunday I officiated a wedding ceremony for some dear friends. I felt joy as I stood witness to their new life together. I bless them and send joy and love to them as they embark on their new adventure together.

God is so good.